Last night I met eight guys who are beginning a new part of their journey in recovery from sexual addiction. They are good guys. Oh, I’m sure that the wives of some of them might argue that point, but I see a lot of brokenness within them. That goes a long way when it comes to recovery.
I was struck by the similarities of most of our stories. I think one of the lies that held me in bondage to my addiction is the feeling that I was alone, and no one could possibly understand. Yet, every time I hear a new set of stories, the narrative is strikingly familiar.
Most of the guys are married. I think each of the married guys thought, as I did, that marriage would cure us. After all, we each thought, married guys get all the sex they want, right?
Stop that laughing.
None of us has kids with the intent of that stopping our behavior, but most thought, when they arrived, “ah, now here’s some inspiration for me to stop.”
Didn’t work.
There are certainly differences in our stories. Most of the guys I’ve met in the larger group are “specialists,” focused in one or just a couple of areas of acting out; I was always a “generalist.” Come to think of it, I tend to be a “variety is the spice of life” kind of guy. If insanity is trying the same thing time and again and expecting a different result, was I more sane because I kept experimenting with different things?
I think at my core I long for variety in every avenue. I try something different when I go back to a restaurant, I keep changing the supplements I use for my fitness regimen, I drive different ways to work because I get bored.
Maybe I’m just like my mother – she’s never satisfied…sayeth the artist known once again as Prince.
And yet, my insatiable desire for more and different can be tamed.
I have figured out what works for me in terms of diet, and I stick to that. Why? Because I see the benefits, and my life is a little more manageable with some routine.
I’ve gotten past the job-hopping of my past. Why? I recognize that this isn’t a good time to be the new guy in most industries, and I also recognize that the grass, while appearing greener over at XYZ Corp, is still just grass.
Wherever you go, there you are.
And now I am being the husband that I have always wanted to be. Or at least I’m a lot closer to that than I used to be. I’m not sure I’ll ever be that guy, not completely. But I see the benefits. I see a wife who generally doesn’t view me with doubt, or fear that she’s going to end up being cast aside by me moving to a newer model.
Variety is great – in its proper place.
