when more isn’t enough

There is a lot of political finger-pointing going on regarding the mortgage meltdown and the financial turmoil of the last couple of years. Both political parties have made their own contributions to this mess, but I would argue that the problem is not one of politics; it is a problem of the heart.

There was a time, not so very long ago, when most of the people in the stock market were large investors, who recognized that the common good (rising values) was the personal good as well. Everyone won, or everyone lost; but there was a sense that everyone was in the same boat.

Then someone decided to turn a consistent source of equity into a game of roulette. Enter the concept of trading on margins. This is rather like betting not on the outcome of a football game, but on the point spread instead. Big jumps, big drops, doesn’t matter which, as long as the market moves big.

This took the general concept of an equity pool, generally guided by common interest, and introduced anarchy.

And what do you suppose was/is the motivation of those who play the margins?

Greed. The love of money.

Money is not the problem. Capitalism is not the problem. Politics is not the problem.

Greed is the problem.

So what has this to do with addiction? Greed is money addiction.

Think it through – addiction can, for some, be summarized as an unquenchable desire for one more. That one more will give me the feeling I’ve been looking for, will finally give me the answer to the burning question within me, will finally satisfy me.

So what is greed but the unquenchable desire for one more? Dollar, hundred, million, whatever.

I would argue that we have a moral meltdown in progress that will end up being at least as devestating as what is going on now in the world markets. But in this calamity, we aren’t looking for more dollars. We want more sex, more alcohol, more of anything.

But “anything” won’t ever be enough.

why do i go to extremes?

Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes;
Too high, or too low – there ain’t no in between.
- Extremes, Billy Joel

I remember years ago reading Living on the Ragged Edge by Charles Swindoll. It is his investigation into the book of Ecclesiastes, and returns again and again to the theme of balance.

I need to dig that book out again.

As a person prone toward addictive/obsessive behavior, I have a lot of trouble with balance. I tend to become very focused; and even when the object of the focus is a good thing, my intensity towards it is not.

Example: I have a project at work. It is critical to the company, has a direct effect on our customers, and has a very short time line. There is time to get the job done, but I find myself toying with the project management tools available to me rather than actually doing the work. I know I don’t have time for it, but I would rather see what happens on a graph demonstrating the cascading effects of not completing the job, than actually doing the job and avoiding the effects.

Here at home, there are a million little things that need to be done, mailed, followed up, thrown away, repainted, put away, rearranged, washed, changed, spindled, folded, and mutilated…I can’t seem to get any of those handled. My mind is still focused on the one stinking closet reorganization that I didn’t finish last weekend, and now the other stuff, even the everyday, is getting harder to manage.

I’ve mentioned before my time at the gym. Earlier this week I started a new workout program, a very thourough and taxing one. Tuesday I worked my legs as hard as I ever have. I have spent the rest of the week praying that I don’t need to climb any stairs. I still wake up at 4:00 in the morning, knowing full well that I have no business going to the gym until my legs stop burning. But I still want to go.

Chasing the wind, as Solomon said. Much ado about nothing, per Shakespeare.

I have no wisdom this morning – only frustration.

long time no write

I haven’t fallen off the wagon, or the face of the earth. I have a separate blog (to which I’ll never link here) about political and social issues, and I have been a little preoccupied over there lately.

With the U.S. political conventions over, I should be getting back to normal again. Heh, normal. Whatever that means.

One of the things I struggle with is balance. No, I don’t tend to fall over a lot; I tend to pursue things in an all-or-nothing fashion. I think that is indicative of a personality prone towards addiction. I avoid the term “addictive personality,” because that always sounds to me like someone else must have a personality I can’t ever get enough of.

My work-life balance is not bad right now, but I am finding that it is easy to let those things crowd out my walk with God. And letting that suffer will ultimately have a downward-spiraling effect on everything else.

Lord, give me 40-hour days. And a clone. That might just about cover what I need.